The Edge of the Sword

Today C goes in for the first infusion of irinotecan, a new drug in the regimen, which he has the experience now to know deserves some uncertainty and anxiety. It's a two and a half hour infusion - the longest yet (though this one's out-patient) and then the same thing for the next five days. So that's how he'll be spending his week, opening his vein to this wonder of modern science, a synthetic version of an alkaloid "isolated from the bark and stem of Camptotheca acuminata," the Chinese Happy Tree.  We're sending this chemical into battle.  This happy warrior.

As we watched the Laker's game the other night he showed me how he could reach up and pull out tufts of hair. He held out a loose clump, and then dropped it into his empty salad bowl.  So it was haircut night. Clare is good at haircuts.  She's patient.

He didn't want to go all the way clean (and his beard hasn't been affected) so they decided to leave a little.



I was thinking about what comes next, how I want the drugs to work, to rain down on the tumor in epic, cinematic fashion.  Apocalypse Now.  I want the tumor "terminated... with extreme prejudice."  I want the drugs to go Pulp Fiction, "Striking down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brother."

I want Marcellus' rage on this tumor, like this: "What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass."

That's what I want.  To get medieval on this thing.  Old Testament.



Chandler sent me a passage from Exodus a while back.  It stuck in my head because it captured something.  Something metaphorical about battle, and strength, and dedication, and service:



"Then came Amalek and fought with Israel at Rephidim. And Moses said to Joshua, 'Choose for us men, and go out, fight with Amalek; tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in my hand.' 

"So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek; and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed; and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it, and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. 

"And Joshua mowed down Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword."



Then I took the liberty of changing the names in that passage (with apologies to the Deuteronomist...):

"Then came Cancer and fought with Life at City of Hope. And C said to Chemo, 'Choose for us men, and go out, fight with Cancer; tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of The Immune System in my hand.'

"So Chemo did as C told him, and fought with Cancer; and C, his Family, and Friends went up to the top of the hill.  Whenever C held up his hand, Life prevailed; and whenever he lowered his hand, Cancer prevailed. But C’s hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it, and his Family and Friends held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. 

"And Chemo mowed down Cancer and his tumors with the edge of the sword."



It's that chemo time again - time for another Tour of Duty.  Time to link arms.  Boots on, wheels up.  Family and Friends holding C in the Light.  One on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands are steady until the going down of the sun.  Old Testament.

My friend Bedonna sent a note once saying this fight is, "2 steps strength, 4 steps fury".  That sounds right.

The edge of the sword.  That's what I'm talking about.