Tour of Duty

So today was Chemo Day 1 + 4, and C seems to be feeling better.  Past the worst of this first round, definitely a member of the worldwide group of Survivors.  He's been having clients in, getting work done with some great help from Jim (not me) who has stepped up and provided valuable Photoshop support.

I think we all feel a little bit of stability returning, or at least the new normal.  But the foundation is definitely shaken.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night and Clare and I talked some things through.  After my whole life feeling like our family was pretty unsinkable, now I look and see our Dad was a suicide in the 60s, our dear brother Bill died of AIDS in the 90s, David was diagnosed with Parkinson's about a year ago, Mom is getting older and now C with Rhabdo - it's almost comical if it wasn't so incredibly unfortunate.  Despite all this I still see our family in the same way.

I visited brother Bill when he was sick, living in Albuquerque.  He had a cartoon on his fridge, as I recall it was some guy asking God, "Why me?"  And God shrugged and responded, "Your number just came up."

C sent a link to this picture today - unbelievable.  It's a sinkhole in Guatemala - a hole of gargantuan proportions ripped right in the middle of a neighborhood.  Later in the day I looked at it again and thought to myself, "That's what this all feels like."



After I fell asleep again last night I had a dream. I was in some city with my family, and at some point I noticed these giant ships flying overhead, unbelievably massive geometrical machines a mile up in the sky. Soon they pulled back to the horizon, hesitated, and then raced toward us at high speed, firing these blasts that completely devastated everything in sight - a complete holocaust, helpless in front of overwhelming force. The kind of dream that wakes you, with interpretation almost unnecessary.

David sent this picture of a Skype session with a bunch of family in the Bay Area (including Mom) on one end and C on the other. I like seeing them all together.



It's Memorial Day, and we got some tagging photos sent in from our BAM-T brothers and their families. A couple of them are posted here, from Diamond Head in Hawaii all the way to the Vietnam Memorial in D.C.

This is a day of remembrance, honoring those who have served and fallen, and also a time for C to get his legs back under him after this last skirmish and prepare for the next mission a few weeks away. I was reminded of what our friend Jeff W., a cancer survivor himself had said in an email recently:

"One thing that also helped me get through chemo was I thought of it, literally, as a 'tour of duty' -  I would even visualize getting my boots on as I prepped to go to chemo. I guess why it helped was it immediately put me in fighting mode and at the same time the phrase told me that there was a time limit on it.  For what it's worth..."

Well all the pictures and emails and comments and advice and phone calls and support are worth a lot to us. Thanks everyone. And we'll all do what we can to have C's back for his next tour of duty.